Suddenly Sandra faced 33 random encounters with assorted piles of candy bars, sponges, zips and epistemology books. She took precisely 14.6 seconds to digest these encounters and concluded that this was no way to immortalize silver earrings on assorted bars of soaps. Taking an example from a Colombian Drug Lord who fancied red scrunchies with purple stars, she decided that the time was right to prepare food in the T.V room, regardless of the distance between the T.V room and Garage. She then threw a bicycle bell at the lone fish in the tank, in the hope that the fish would gain a new perspective on the absurdities of lavender flowers.
Sandra then received a call from a stranger inquiring about square blocks of cinder to which she tartly replied, "No, but I can interest you in a pair of plastic vases!" At which point, the caller was struck with a heart attack, causing the phones to fall with him and the line was therefore cut.
5 minutes after this, a crazed caterpillar had transformed into a butterfly! The Butterfly flew over the kitchen and into the garage. It landed on one of the buttons of the washing machine. The washing machine being touch sensitive, was then sent on a Two Hour course, at the end of which, it spun out of control, smashed into the bike, which toppled over, causing several sheets of wood to flip, bang open the door, broke the tap, causing a mini-flood in the garage.
Sandra proceeded to switch on the light, but as she did so, the bulb exploded over her. A shard of glass from the exploded bulb sent the cat running, skidding and crashing into a pile of socks.
Within the span of 15 minutes, the power went out. Sandra then proceeded to the garage and was surprised by the happenings in the garage that greeted her. The cat decided that the time was ripe for a good streak around the house and proceeded to do so, which resulted in her getting wet, skidded past the gate and into a pack of dogs. So, three puppies, a limping dog and a one-eyed dog were chasing the cat down the road, while Sandra called the plumber, who took the opportunity to tell her that he was currently enjoying cupcakes and cranberry tea, therefore rendering himself of no service whatsoever to Sandra.
Sandra was contemplating rice cakes, sea weed and 13 pieces of fried fritters, but the one and only thing that she could do was sr...........................
At this point, the author decided to proceed to the rest room to relieve himself, but as soon as he flushed, he turned around, slipped and smashed his head on the rounded edge of the commode, while the T.V switched on to record his favorite episodes of Mork & Mindy and episodes of Foghorn Leghorn.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Pike and The Pickle Pale
The Longest Short Story
An Ice Cream cone with scoop included came screaming right past my window on a bright sunny day with exactly 17 clouds and landed right into the bucked of soapy water which I was using to wash my bike! It immediately gave the soapy water a vanilla flavor and consistency, at which point I threw down my washing cloth, threw my hands to the heavens and implored for an uninterrupted session of bike TLC!
I looked around for the source of my agony, but I only spied my puppy! Suddenly a voice from far away complete with Reverb, delay and quadraphonic effects said, “You will find the answer on the second cabinet to the right of the microwave situated above the crack pipe and wine glasses!” Alas, I was torn between my obligations and duties to my bike and searching for The Answer!
I decided that I would invest only 7 minutes into searching for The Answer. As I found out to my consternation, the next 7 minutes would turn out to be one of the most adventurous and utterly crazy experiences that I’ve ever had since the Roswell incident!
I entered the house not knowing precisely what to expect. My puppy also decided to make an entrance (in the true nature of Iron Maiden’s bassist), and darted in through the door, skidded past the bathroom, banged into the cardboard box, which caused him to make a 62.7 degree turn and thereafter drifted into the kitchen and slammed into the dustbin distributing its contents everywhere. As I was digesting the situation, the cat wanting a piece of the action, randomly flew past my right ear, in a frenzy and decided to attack a pillow to show her capabilities, as well as knocking the T.V remote down. My puppy then seized the opportunity to socialize with the cat! With little care for the consequences of such a venture, the result was nothing short of nearly getting his left eyeball, left ear tip and the corners of his nose literally torn away! The cat jumped onto him, thereby taking control of his head and face and they were locked into a battle to the finish!
I decided to rid myself of the madness that was ensuing and so proceeded to the concerned cabinet, at which point the Cat-Dog battle had spilled into the very same room where I was located, knocking over a vase that in turn caused the glass duck to fall, which in turn caused an assorted pile of knives, forks and spoons to be displaced! I on impulse managed to save all three objects in the span of 1.36899 seconds, thereby incapacitating myself as the cabinet was not 4.63 inches from my grasp!
My Mother, who was within hearing range of the chaos and pandemonium that still continued as though it were a matter of life and death, came to enquire, only to find a strange sight in front of her eyes! I asked her frantically to assist me in restoring the saved objects to their original positions.
Once some amount of damage control was achieved, I proceeded to the cabinet and opened it. What I found inside was a coffee mug, gold and glass dragon and a 5 centimeter tall teddy bear which had a purple pant and a green jacket! As I began my furious tirade against the voice that caused all that had befallen me, I realized that my 7 minutes was over. I returned to my bike only to find that birds had decided to defecate on it and the mangoes from the tree had scratched and dented my beloved fuel tank.
At this point, I decided that it would be fitting to see to it that Br………………………………………………………………………………………….
Unfortunately, the author had received a phone call precisely at that point, while the doorbell rang and the milk over boiled in the kitchen causing a sinister smell to creep throughout the house! This caused a distraction of sufficient magnitude that would make the author forget the initial purpose of this rambling. The author is currently located in an unknown mental asylum, regretting a life threatening decision that involved feather caps and torn bits of cellophane.
I looked around for the source of my agony, but I only spied my puppy! Suddenly a voice from far away complete with Reverb, delay and quadraphonic effects said, “You will find the answer on the second cabinet to the right of the microwave situated above the crack pipe and wine glasses!” Alas, I was torn between my obligations and duties to my bike and searching for The Answer!
I decided that I would invest only 7 minutes into searching for The Answer. As I found out to my consternation, the next 7 minutes would turn out to be one of the most adventurous and utterly crazy experiences that I’ve ever had since the Roswell incident!
I entered the house not knowing precisely what to expect. My puppy also decided to make an entrance (in the true nature of Iron Maiden’s bassist), and darted in through the door, skidded past the bathroom, banged into the cardboard box, which caused him to make a 62.7 degree turn and thereafter drifted into the kitchen and slammed into the dustbin distributing its contents everywhere. As I was digesting the situation, the cat wanting a piece of the action, randomly flew past my right ear, in a frenzy and decided to attack a pillow to show her capabilities, as well as knocking the T.V remote down. My puppy then seized the opportunity to socialize with the cat! With little care for the consequences of such a venture, the result was nothing short of nearly getting his left eyeball, left ear tip and the corners of his nose literally torn away! The cat jumped onto him, thereby taking control of his head and face and they were locked into a battle to the finish!
I decided to rid myself of the madness that was ensuing and so proceeded to the concerned cabinet, at which point the Cat-Dog battle had spilled into the very same room where I was located, knocking over a vase that in turn caused the glass duck to fall, which in turn caused an assorted pile of knives, forks and spoons to be displaced! I on impulse managed to save all three objects in the span of 1.36899 seconds, thereby incapacitating myself as the cabinet was not 4.63 inches from my grasp!
My Mother, who was within hearing range of the chaos and pandemonium that still continued as though it were a matter of life and death, came to enquire, only to find a strange sight in front of her eyes! I asked her frantically to assist me in restoring the saved objects to their original positions.
Once some amount of damage control was achieved, I proceeded to the cabinet and opened it. What I found inside was a coffee mug, gold and glass dragon and a 5 centimeter tall teddy bear which had a purple pant and a green jacket! As I began my furious tirade against the voice that caused all that had befallen me, I realized that my 7 minutes was over. I returned to my bike only to find that birds had decided to defecate on it and the mangoes from the tree had scratched and dented my beloved fuel tank.
At this point, I decided that it would be fitting to see to it that Br………………………………………………………………………………………….
Unfortunately, the author had received a phone call precisely at that point, while the doorbell rang and the milk over boiled in the kitchen causing a sinister smell to creep throughout the house! This caused a distraction of sufficient magnitude that would make the author forget the initial purpose of this rambling. The author is currently located in an unknown mental asylum, regretting a life threatening decision that involved feather caps and torn bits of cellophane.
The Wonders of Random Experiences
A Green Martian landed on my terrace yesterday. Being tired from such a long, perilous and apparently agonizing accidental journey to earth, he happened to land on my terrace due to a lone beacon situated atop my solar water heater. I fed him green Jello. However, he asked for some #@!245$ Scrutpnik sandwich, but I had none!
So I showed him fireflies, iguanas and diwali rockets! To which he reacted excitedly!! I then proceeded to show him our customs at which point he told me his species reproduced by sneezing! I remained indifferent to his galactic attitude, wherein he proceeded to teach me swear words in his language!! Some that I can recall are:
uegnot = shit
flappa = fuck
vopova = idiot
iticragj = stupid
nashkish = Kiss my ass!!
Thats as far as I can remember! I then showed him the wonders of ballroom dancing, but he showed me his 2 millimeter space ship that contained exactly 12.7 instruments. He also showed me the answer to God, religion, life and the Universe, at which point I exclaimed,"Holy Crap" as the answer was found to be Lh.......................................................................................................
Unfortunately, the author died at precisely 12.4 seconds into the last line as an apple hit his neck, causing his pulmonary vein to rupture! However we do have his last recorded words which was: "Why?
So I showed him fireflies, iguanas and diwali rockets! To which he reacted excitedly!! I then proceeded to show him our customs at which point he told me his species reproduced by sneezing! I remained indifferent to his galactic attitude, wherein he proceeded to teach me swear words in his language!! Some that I can recall are:
uegnot = shit
flappa = fuck
vopova = idiot
iticragj = stupid
nashkish = Kiss my ass!!
Thats as far as I can remember! I then showed him the wonders of ballroom dancing, but he showed me his 2 millimeter space ship that contained exactly 12.7 instruments. He also showed me the answer to God, religion, life and the Universe, at which point I exclaimed,"Holy Crap" as the answer was found to be Lh.......................................................................................................
Unfortunately, the author died at precisely 12.4 seconds into the last line as an apple hit his neck, causing his pulmonary vein to rupture! However we do have his last recorded words which was: "Why?
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