While the Fish slept in a Burrow

While Katie fell down the stairs, Karen was preparing Caesar’s Salad in the kitchen. Katie was temporarily blinded by the fall for exactly 2.627 minutes.

In the Bedroom, the fur from the cat had become a fur ball. It landed on the lamp, bounced of it and landed in a cup full of water. Katie was attempting to gather her senses, when she didn’t see the vase in front of her and tripped over it. She smashed through the coffee table and rolled 1080 degrees to the right and came out from the under the music system. Karen finished preparing the salad and then helped Katie to her feet and dressed the wounds.

Karen asked Katie, “Do you like cucumbers?” to which Katie replied, “No, but the ripe apple seemed more mesmerizing!” Karen then said, “What happened to the square?” Katie replied, “But I thought it was a pink banana.” Karen being thoughtful concluded, “Well, you’ll just have to get used to collecting tea pots and having five sided green-yellow polygons in the bedroom.”

Katie went to the bathroom and sat on the pot reading, “The Intricate Details Regarding The Stupidity of a Philosophical Argument” by Dr. Gerty Winefreak. Karen meanwhile was in the kitchen looking up a cookbook entitled “127 recipes out of which 97 will never be used” by Germine Slashouse.   

Trevor, the dog from the previous story came around the back of the house and scratched the door. Karen let him in and fed him some meat. He spat this out and barked twice, which for the purpose of the reader is translated as: “You are a terrible pathetic cook!” Karen then proceeded to throw the garbage. As she was about to cross the road, a fire engine roared past and just missed Karen by 7.823 inches. The driver yelled out, “Sorry ma’am, but we were at an Irish drinking party!” Karen realized that the house of John and Maria was involved in an explosion.

Karen however, had to color her hair Gold and Purple and therefore hurried back in. Katie was done sitting on the pot. She came out of the bathroom and proceeded to the bed. She drank the cup of water next to her bed which had a fur ball in it. She then started choking, and attempted to call out to Karen for help.

Karen came in and struggled to help Katie with the fur ball that was choking her. The fur ball was out within 42.749 seconds. Karen walked out of the room to the kitchen slamming the door behind her. At the same time, Katie completely disoriented, followed her out. She banged into the slamming door, fell back and pulled the clothes hanger and dressing table with her. The Swiss army knife on the dressing table flew and sliced the tip of Katie’s lip and fell with a thud on the floor right next to her right eye.

Karen’s boyfriend Clive called in to say that he was dropping by, but then the brakes failed on his bike. He spun out of control and smashed into a telephone pole, flying into an electrified fence and landed in a pile of fresh dung from a cow that had just been electrocuted by the fence.

So, the next phase of the gi……………………………….was once even within the range of a………………..partly due to the…………..causing certain death by Ma………………on correcting English Grammar in Bolivia…… while the white Fran…..

At this point, the author was struck with a case of Narcolepsy (because he did not take his medication on time) causing him to sleep between writing this story and reviewing a book on Dyslexia entitled: “How teh wrold truned to spel – chek” by Jhon Psenerc.

A Mixed Bowl of Corn

Although John knew it, he had exactly 44 bobble heads on his desk that needed cleaning. His dog Trevor dashed into the room with a pink calendar in his mouth. Sensitive to his dog’s nature, he chuckled and proceeded to his computer only to find that a virus had taken over and it was now downloading 50.7 Terabytes of Pornography.

On the table in the dining room were a purple rose and a red polka dot cookie. John’s mother Maria was busy in the kitchen with the food. What happened next was quite unexpected.

The fan that was spinning, unhooked itself and fell down, and sent the dog running and yelping out of the house. This in turn caused the table to go over to the left of the room sending cutlery and silverware into the microwave. The cookie on the table, was sent flying into the air and smashed into the Touch-Sensitive keypad of the microwave, sending it on a two hour course of cooking which included a session of grilling as well.

Due to the amount of metal present in the microwave, it started shuddering and shaking, while Maria and John came out of their respective rooms of indulgence to inspect the current events unfolding before them.

Before they knew it, the microwave was about to explode, while a butterfly flew into the house, settled itself on the wall and watched the proceedings. The microwave then exploded, sending 625.741 pieces into the surrounding areas.

Precisely at that point, John’s father Lesley called in from his car phone to tell the family that he was going to arrive for lunch, but he spotted a baby turtle and a frog on the road and swerved to avoid them, thereby sending the car into a field of corn and cotton. Lesley’s car smashed into one of the farm’s husking machines and was therefore of no use. So he tried calling home again to tell the family that he had now found corn for his lunch and free cotton to make a coat and spend the night on the farm till his car was fixed. He also would be indulging in farm activities inclusive of but not limited to: butter and cheese making, distilling local alcohol and milking the cows.

Meanwhile, back at home, Maria and John were assessing the damage that had been done. John decided to call the repairman, who told him that he was indulging in a game of darts while juggling tarts with his left had at his grandmother’s tea party, rendering himself useless. So, John called the fire brigade because he thought it was good sport. The Fire Brigade however, was currently in the middle of a typical Irish drinking party. Surprised by the turn of events, John and Maria went back to their respective rooms and decided to take care of the matter later.

Meanwhile, the butterfly landed on the gas cylinder valve, setting off the gas out of control, while somebody on the road lit a cigarette and there was a huge explosion. The dog had returned to a ruined pile of concrete rubble of what used to be a house.

Due to this event, the climatic battle for the………………. Was not exactly………by the same ga……..right past the old sail, next to the slimy………………………..rotten eggs in the basket…………………………while a crippled ……………….saw the extent of the consequences of farting behind a girl………………………

At this point, the author was suddenly paralyzed by a stroke, while writing the story on his way to a flower show complete with dancing girls. As his stroke progressed, he decided that he would fight for his life to complete the story. As can be seen, he could not. He was taken to a hospital and placed on an electric fully functional wheelchair with a computer translator to communicate and write short stories. However, on attempting to do so, he jammed the wrong control sending the wheelchair out of control, which spun 746 degrees, went down a flight of stairs and into the crematorium where it smashed against a table sending the author flying into one of the cremation chambers while it was in operation.

Random Lunacy..

When that hour struck four girls were having coffee in my room, and Bix was attacking the ‘Royal Garden Blues’ for the twentieth time. We were disheveled, but none of us was tired and none was drunk. James was not with us. He had stolen a bullock cart from a Pathan and was galloping in a one-man chariot race round cantonments. We saw him flash by, his bright Hawaiian shirt and curly fair hair whipping in the wind as he stood up, shouting, in the rocking cart, while the owner ran cursing and laughing behind. Then we saw my colonel’s wife, wearing a nightdress and a coat and riding a bicycle, join James in his chariot race. She pedaled hard beside him, and we wondered vaguely what she was doing. It was an eerie scene in the long shadows of the desert morning—the maddened bullocks, the flapping nightie, the running Pathan, the aloha shirt.

Pike and The Pickle Pale

Suddenly Sandra faced 33 random encounters with assorted piles of candy bars, sponges, zips and epistemology books. She took precisely 14.6 seconds to digest these encounters and concluded that this was no way to immortalize silver earrings on assorted bars of soaps. Taking an example from a Colombian Drug Lord who fancied red scrunchies with purple stars, she decided that the time was right to prepare food in the T.V room, regardless of the distance between the T.V room and Garage. She then threw a bicycle bell at the lone fish in the tank, in the hope that the fish would gain a new perspective on the absurdities of lavender flowers.

Sandra then received a call from a stranger inquiring about square blocks of cinder to which she tartly replied, "No, but I can interest you in a pair of plastic vases!" At which point, the caller was struck with a heart attack, causing the phones to fall with him and the line was therefore cut.

5 minutes after this, a crazed caterpillar had transformed into a butterfly! The Butterfly flew over the kitchen and into the garage. It landed on one of the buttons of the washing machine. The washing machine being touch sensitive, was then sent on a Two Hour course, at the end of which, it spun out of control, smashed into the bike, which toppled over, causing several sheets of wood to flip, bang open the door, broke the tap, causing a mini-flood in the garage.

Sandra proceeded to switch on the light, but as she did so, the bulb exploded over her. A shard of glass from the exploded bulb sent the cat running, skidding and crashing into a pile of socks.

Within the span of 15 minutes, the power went out. Sandra then proceeded to the garage and was surprised by the happenings in the garage that greeted her. The cat decided that the time was ripe for a good streak around the house and proceeded to do so, which resulted in her getting wet, skidded past the gate and into a pack of dogs. So, three puppies, a limping dog and a one-eyed dog were chasing the cat down the road, while Sandra called the plumber, who took the opportunity to tell her that he was currently enjoying cupcakes and cranberry tea, therefore rendering himself of no service whatsoever to Sandra.

Sandra was contemplating rice cakes, sea weed and 13 pieces of fried fritters, but the one and only thing that she could do was sr...........................

At this point, the author decided to proceed to the rest room to relieve himself, but as soon as he flushed, he turned around, slipped and smashed his head on the rounded edge of the commode, while the T.V switched on to record his favorite episodes of Mork & Mindy and episodes of Foghorn Leghorn.

The Longest Short Story

An Ice Cream cone with scoop included came screaming right past my window on a bright sunny day with exactly 17 clouds and landed right into the bucked of soapy water which I was using to wash my bike! It immediately gave the soapy water a vanilla flavor and consistency, at which point I threw down my washing cloth, threw my hands to the heavens and implored for an uninterrupted session of bike TLC!

I looked around for the source of my agony, but I only spied my puppy! Suddenly a voice from far away complete with Reverb, delay and quadraphonic effects said, “You will find the answer on the second cabinet to the right of the microwave situated above the crack pipe and wine glasses!” Alas, I was torn between my obligations and duties to my bike and searching for The Answer!

I decided that I would invest only 7 minutes into searching for The Answer. As I found out to my consternation, the next 7 minutes would turn out to be one of the most adventurous and utterly crazy experiences that I’ve ever had since the Roswell incident!
I entered the house not knowing precisely what to expect. My puppy also decided to make an entrance (in the true nature of Iron Maiden’s bassist), and darted in through the door, skidded past the bathroom, banged into the cardboard box, which caused him to make a 62.7 degree turn and thereafter drifted into the kitchen and slammed into the dustbin distributing its contents everywhere. As I was digesting the situation, the cat wanting a piece of the action, randomly flew past my right ear, in a frenzy and decided to attack a pillow to show her capabilities, as well as knocking the T.V remote down. My puppy then seized the opportunity to socialize with the cat! With little care for the consequences of such a venture, the result was nothing short of nearly getting his left eyeball, left ear tip and the corners of his nose literally torn away! The cat jumped onto him, thereby taking control of his head and face and they were locked into a battle to the finish!

I decided to rid myself of the madness that was ensuing and so proceeded to the concerned cabinet, at which point the Cat-Dog battle had spilled into the very same room where I was located, knocking over a vase that in turn caused the glass duck to fall, which in turn caused an assorted pile of knives, forks and spoons to be displaced! I on impulse managed to save all three objects in the span of 1.36899 seconds, thereby incapacitating myself as the cabinet was not 4.63 inches from my grasp!

My Mother, who was within hearing range of the chaos and pandemonium that still continued as though it were a matter of life and death, came to enquire, only to find a strange sight in front of her eyes! I asked her frantically to assist me in restoring the saved objects to their original positions.

Once some amount of damage control was achieved, I proceeded to the cabinet and opened it. What I found inside was a coffee mug, gold and glass dragon and a 5 centimeter tall teddy bear which had a purple pant and a green jacket! As I began my furious tirade against the voice that caused all that had befallen me, I realized that my 7 minutes was over. I returned to my bike only to find that birds had decided to defecate on it and the mangoes from the tree had scratched and dented my beloved fuel tank.

At this point, I decided that it would be fitting to see to it that Br………………………………………………………………………………………….

Unfortunately, the author had received a phone call precisely at that point, while the doorbell rang and the milk over boiled in the kitchen causing a sinister smell to creep throughout the house! This caused a distraction of sufficient magnitude that would make the author forget the initial purpose of this rambling. The author is currently located in an unknown mental asylum, regretting a life threatening decision that involved feather caps and torn bits of cellophane.

The Wonders of Random Experiences

A Green Martian landed on my terrace yesterday. Being tired from such a long, perilous and apparently agonizing accidental journey to earth, he happened to land on my terrace due to a lone beacon situated atop my solar water heater. I fed him green Jello. However, he asked for some #@!245$ Scrutpnik sandwich, but I had none!

So I showed him fireflies, iguanas and diwali rockets! To which he reacted excitedly!! I then proceeded to show him our customs at which point he told me his species reproduced by sneezing! I remained indifferent to his galactic attitude, wherein he proceeded to teach me swear words in his language!! Some that I can recall are:

uegnot = shit
flappa = fuck
vopova = idiot
iticragj = stupid
nashkish = Kiss my ass!!

Thats as far as I can remember! I then showed him the wonders of ballroom dancing, but he showed me his 2 millimeter space ship that contained exactly 12.7 instruments. He also showed me the answer to God, religion, life and the Universe, at which point I exclaimed,"Holy Crap" as the answer was found to be Lh.......................................................................................................

Unfortunately, the author died at precisely 12.4 seconds into the last line as an apple hit his neck, causing his pulmonary vein to rupture! However we do have his last recorded words which was: "Why?